Welcome
to the original and the official site for the
Evil
Genius Political Party
founders
of the New Evil Genius Order!
"No
lackey left behind"
Now
... Meet Your Evil Genius Party:
What is The Evil Genius Party?
The
Evil Genius Party is your representative for a new world order. Committed
to more than solving America’s problems, the Evil Genius Party promises
to think globally about how to fix the social and economic problems
which plague the world. The main problem? Idiots in charge. The world
over, idiots run countries and the people, like you, are caught in between.
The Evil Genius Party is the only party which recognizes your value
in the world...not as pawns trapped between warring barbarians, but
as lackeys, minions, henchmen, acolytes...You will aid in creating a
new peaceful, unified world. You will be wanted, and your family can’t
even claim that...
Evil
Genius Heritage
The Evil Genius has a long and rich heritage throughout history. Thaddeus
Bodog Sivana, King John of England, Elias “Egghead” Starr, Margaret
Thatcher, Auric Goldfinger, Victor von Doom, King Louis XIV of France,
Doctor Clayton Forrester, Benjamin Franklin, Doctor Evil, Richard Nixon,
and Lex Luthor. Lex Luthor paved the way for the Evil Genius Party when
he ran for and won the Presidency in 2000, as chronicled in DC Comics.
However, Luthor’s rightful place as president was stolen from him by
an ignorant oil tycoon from Texas...but The Evil Genius Party continues
Luthor’s good works.
A
Guiding Light
The
Evil Genius Party understands the problems of every day living.
Where will you work, assuming you can even find a job? If you can’t,
welfare...crime...both? Will you marry? Have children? How many? Will
you eat meat or be a vegetarian? Is milk good for you? What about egg
whites? White bread or wheat? Are there 8, 9, or 10 planets in our solar
system? Work with the alien invaders or against? Boxers or Briefs? Republican
or Democrat or Libertarian or Pansexual Peace? Coke or Pepsi? The decisions
are staggering. High blood pressure, ulcers, hives, sleep disorders,
depression, irritable bowel syndrome all caused by the stress of these
daily decisions. Your health is very important to the Evil Genius Party
and as such, we promise to guide you to a calmer, happier, healthier
you...Let us make the decisions for you...Sit back, relax, and leave
the driving to us.
Benefits of Choosing Evil Genius:
-Substantially
reduce the size of government
-Set
hard-working, decent people free from the fear of uncertainty in their
daily lives.
-Eliminate
the reconditeness of inconsistent rules and laws from city to city,
state to state, country to country. There will be one, easily remembered
law: serve and obey your Evil Genius.
-Create
a unified and peaceful world under one global government. No more wars,
border disputes, trade negotiations, illegal immigrants, refugees, or
foolish national pride. We will be one.
You’re
the EVIL Genius Party. Can we trust you? Why aren’t you the Benevolent
Genius Party?
The
adjective “evil” was given to us by those whom you should not trust.
Those people who hate and fear change, distrust what they cannot understand,
and want to keep the people of the world under the clandestine boot
heel of “reality”. Our only goal is to make a perfect world free of
disease, hunger, war, or poverty. We are geniuses, we can do it. Will
you let us? Of course you will, you will obey...
Evil Genius Platform
Preamble
As supporters of the Evil Genius Party, we seek a world of unity and
peace where all individuals are united for the benefit of the world,
each other, and the Evil Genius in Charge.
We believe that individual freedom creates unhappiness, stress, uneasiness,
uncertainty, disagreements, false pride, envy, irresponsibility, depression,
anger, fights, wars, poor health, distrust, and pretty much all human
suffering.
As
such, we value the Evil Genius’s sacrifice to provide us with a world
of clarity and peace by eliminating frivolous and superfluous options,
providing ample opportunities with gainful employment serving the Evil
Genius in his endeavors to create an Geniocratic Utopia, and ensuring
security for all mankind.
Platform Planks
International Policy
The United States is the last remaining global superpower. The Evil
Genius Party promises to use this might to unify the world. Not by invading
countries for oil. No, we know the key to global unity is through Australia.
If you’ve played Risk, then you know the importance of Australia.
Economics and Labor
The
Evil Genius Party promises that every man, woman, and child will have
a job in the coming Geniocratic World Order. Your strengths and weaknesses
will be assessed. Finally, your intelligence will be recognized and
put to use in creating a new world. Finally, your physical superiority
will be appreciated as lackeys, minions, and henchmen. No lackey left
behind. All will serve the Evil Genius and be happy about it!
Human and Civil Rights
The Evil Genius Party respects and cherishes all humanity as fodder
for the Evil Genius’s whims. We do not differentiate by arbitrary differences
such as race, gender, sexuality, economic status, or genetic make-up.
All can serve the Evil Genius equally! Evil Geniuses bare physical characteristics
different from the typical human and are outcast by these silly differences.
The
lack of hair, an unfortunate scar, warped heads that look like cauliflower
or eggs, a brain in a glass dome. We understand the barb of prejudice.
We will fight against such prejudices, slaughtering any who would desecrate
our peaceful utopia. Every human will have the opportunities equal to
their ability. Just realize, no one is more able to lead than a genius.
Environment and Energy
Global warming? We did that. No, no...it’s not a bad thing. Everyone’s
favorite weather occurs in either spring or fall. The Evil Genius Party
promises to give you spring and fall weather all year long. No longer
will you worry about suffering a heat stroke or frost bite as you toil
for the good of the world. Short sighted critics call it “Global Warming”...We
call it a beautiful day..
As for toxic waste and overflowing dumps, we are geniuses. Waste rockets
to the sun carrying miniaturized waste for pennies a day. Problem solved.
In order to accomplish that cheap rocket to the sun, we need new fuel...Again,
we are geniuses. Hydrogen powered vehicles and appliances will minimalize
fuel costs the world over and eliminate harmful emissions.
Agriculture
Giant fruits and vegetables. Non-bio meats which taste just like the
real, dead biological cow you are used to eating now. Healthier and
gentler, too.
Health and Medicine
We started the stem cell research. We are trying to make your life better.
No more cancer, no more AIDS, no more common cold, no more trick knees.
Affordable cybernetic replacement body parts for any who desire them.
Gene therapy to eliminate those pesky disorders, oily skin, and the
unwanted hair or eye color which never quite matched your clothes. Gene
splicing to give you those cool cat eyes rather than having to wear
annoying contacts. Designer children, without the designer prices.
And
don’t worry about genetic codes or nanobots or subdermal implants designed
to make you subservient, or to kill you if you start causing trouble
for the Evil Genius...We would never do that...
You
can trust the Evil Genius...You can trust the Evil Genius...You can
trust the Evil Genius...
